A sparrow’s life

This week I celebrated an anniversary.  A year ago I was in pain.   Walking was excruciating.  Sitting was little better.  Standing could be good if I held my weight on my right leg.  My left hip was the problem.  On January 11 I had surgery to repair a torn labrum. 

Recovery took a while but now a year later I am so thankful that I can again keep up with my kidos.  I still feel it complaining on some days but I will take that any day over what I had to deal with a year ago.

6 months ago I was happily moving through life not expecting any major changes to my life. Then my mom shared with me that life was not as I thought.  Dad was having some problems and we needed to help her.  Bam!  Life changed overnight and I became familiar with the difference between psychologist & psychiatrists.  I was going to my dad’s doctors visits with him.  My dad who has always been a rock is now a different person who looks, acts & seems like my dad that I’ve always known.  I have to filter his words & actions through this new lens I am seeing through.

3 months ago my mom wasn’t feeling well.  She chalked it up to the stress she had been experiencing.  She checked with her doctor who recommended some tests.  Long story short is that my mom has pancreatic cancer.  To say that we were reeling from all this is an understatement.  Finally after 3 months of adjusting learning & adapting I am starting to be able to think clearly again.  Sometimes.

I am hoping to share more on here.  I just haven’t been able to since October.  This is a new road I am walking.  Maybe some of the things I am learning & living can help one of you.  I wasn’t ready for this.  I am still not ready for this but well . . . here we are.

God knew.  That is today(and every day’s) lesson.  He isn’t surprised at what happens to us.  He knew before we were born what would happen today.  Not one thing that comes our way is outside of his love.  He loves us and knows everything about us.  We are important to him and can go to him with our cares & burdens.

A dear friend shared this with me today and God used her to give me just what I needed but that is another lesson to share for another day.

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Matthew 10:28-31

May God prepare you for whatever is to come today and bless you through it all.

What is important right now?

One thing I ask from the LORD,  this only do I seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,

to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.

For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling;

he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent 

and set me high upon a rock.

Psalm 27:4-5

What would you ask of God if you could just ask for one thing? 

That is such a hard question.

Events in my life lately have been prodding me to look at my life.  Really look hard.

We do not know the number of our days.  We can only be thankful for this minute, this hour that He’s granted us.

Between the doctor visits, multiple phone calls & texts, rearranging of schedules, desperate laundry loads I have been seeking what is most important.  I ask God to point me in that direction each morning as I start my day.  Here is what I’ve gravitated towards.

1.  Kiss my husband he might not be there tomorrow.

2.  Squeeze my children in tight hugs so they know I love them each day.  Even(especially) the big ones.

3.  Pray often.  Pray about everything.  Pray until you can’t stay awake.

4.  Forget the rest.  Do maintenance as you walk through the day.  Right now a to-do list is laughable.  Interruptions, sadness, naps all take priority over the rest.

I don’t dwell in the house of the Lord.  He dwells in me and allows me to gaze on His beauty and seek him each day.

My life is not beautiful right now.  It is a mess.  Fatigue and general inability to think has become my “normal.”

But I know He is beautiful and he is walking me through(okay carrying me) this season.  I don’t know the answer to the question.  More than half the time I don’t even know the question.

But I know he will keep me safe.  I can rest in him as I know he is holding me, molding me, shaping me as my family does the hard things that must be done.

I wouldn’t have chosen this adventure(nightmare) that we are on but I can choose where I turn for strength and wisdom.  I want to bring glory to him through my actions & words.

Thank you Lord for pointing me towards the most important things each day.

Inexpensive Getaway

Many years ago a group of girl friends would get together and scrapbook the pictures and memories of our families.

A couple of hours just wasn’t worth dragging everything out so our goal was to have an overnight crop.

We tried hotels—too expensive & no room to spread out

We tried homes—not far enough away & not enough room

Then 5 years ago we found the perfect solution.

We rented a church camp!  We run away on Friday & come home on Sunday.  We share the cost of the camp and everyone contributes to the food so the cost is kept to a minimum!  This past weekend was the biggest number we’ve had—23!!!

I love this group and I am so grateful for their involvement in my life.  There is so much history & friendship that tie us together.

We had a much needed time of laughter, teasing & talking.  They really took care of me this weekend.  

If you have a group of friends that you love & you like to get away.  I recommend renting a nearby church camp. 

The one we use has such a peace about it that it has become a sanctuary for several of us.

Loving when it hurts

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

So what do you do?  Someone who you love dearly turns on you. 

They do not even realize that they have changed.  How do you handle it?

I am watching this play out in a family members life. 

I am called to encourage, listen & build up in this situation.

It is easy to fear.

It is easy to be dismayed.

Weakness begins to feel like the normal

(Stress & no sleep will do that to you)

Thank goodness that God knew it would all happen from the beginning.

(source)

I’m so grateful that I can lay this burden in God’s hands. 

His hands are so steady and strong.  Unlike mine.

His help is daily and even minute by minute. 

It comes in all forms.

Children who understand.  Husband who supports. 

Friends who pray constantly.

Even when I can’t.

Walking this road isn’t easy but I am not alone.

Time with Away

Once a year my sweet husband has to go somewhere to attend continuing education. 

We figured out 8 years ago that this is a much better trip for him if I tag along.  We’ve gone to lots of places. 

Arizona

Hilton Head

but my favorite

is the Outer Banks, NC

One of the reasons that we do this every year is we were VERY young when we married and we didn’t take much of a honeymoon. 

These trips are our on going honeymoon.  I love being able to spend several days just hanging out together.  We plan, dream, relax and just enjoy being together.  This may not be possible every year but I am so thankful that God has blessed us with another trip this year.